WEIGHT: 61 kg
Services: Deep Throat, Lesbi-show hard, Tantric, Travel Companion, Dinner Dates
I think that most of you think that Vienna is for old people, because we invented Mozart instead of hip-hop. Vienna is a great party town with Conchita Wurst in it. And as such, it is cool and you should come and hang out. In the last few years, we intellectual, sophisticated, Baroque Viennese have learnt to shove pills up our asses and have fun, but the crowds are still relatively small, so most clubs vary their playlists through the week.
There isn't one seminal Viennese techno club, for example. They're usually left dry, so you'll just end up screaming in agony as some Austrian guy in a snapback tries to mix moombahton into an Amen break. Another option is the Grelle Forelle , a mysterious club near the Donaukanal that maintains its shadowy reputation by forbidding photography inside. But this is a travel guide, so we'll tell you what it looks like inside: a club. In terms of smaller clubs, we recommend the Celeste , which is usually full, sweaty, and a good place to drink.
Nights in Vienna usually go until 5 or 6 AM. In the summertime, the city offers a lot of good outdoor parties. There are a lot of straight-edge hardcore dudes around here, and tons of recovering heroin addicts around Karlsplatz, so between the threat of getting beaten up and the walking warnings from history, recreational drugs haven't managed to make much of a dent on our jugend.
MDMA and speed are rare, unless there happens to be a free techno party going on. The legal situation is similar to most of mainland Europe. Even though it led to nothing worse than two or three broken shop windows, it was accompanied by a massive police block and numerous arrests. As of now, they haven't managed to fuse their theories into one enlightening super-conspiracy, so they remain mostly harmless lunatics who cuddle on Heldenplatz every week and like to read out poems, although some of the poems do have a definite anti-Semitic vibe.
If you happen to visit Heldenplatz on a Monday, bring your tinfoil hat. We also have a small squatting scene. Refugees are a crucial topic for Austrian activists. The camp survived no longer than a couple of weeks before being torn down, and completely destroyed, by police, much to the chagrin of fucking none of the dickhead press. The refugees migrated to the close-by Votive Church and held extensive hunger strikes and numerous press conferences before being partly arrested and partly deported to a monastery where some of them continue to wait for a decision on whether or not they will be granted asylum by the State of Austria.